Subliminal Thoughts in Oblivion

A Different Kind of Christmas

2011-12-30T21:34:00.003+08:00

As early as October, I was already conditioning myself about Christmas. I started listening to Christmas songs just to get into the spirit. I am single so I cannot draw inspiration from a significant someone. Also, I have been under a lot of stress from my business partner that I needed to feel Christmas.

Fortunately, my mom decided to spend Christmas and New Years here. Unlike the previous season, this time, our other relatives didn't went here for Christmas so my mom went here alone. I know we were not conditioned to give gifts during Christmas, but I think spending a lot of time is the best gift anyone can give to their mom. I spent most of Christmas with her and I am spending the new years eve with her.

Tech lover as I am, good thing I have a smart phone with me and a decent Internet connection in where she is staying. Whenever I am staying in her place, I do have limited Internet capabilities and other computer related functions. From a low end phone to a smart phone, I am becoming hooked with the shift of technology.

Anyway, I kinda slowed down in posting because of things I needed to do, but by next year, I will be more active in blogging and I will be changing parts of my life.

So I wish everyone a (belated) Merry Christmas and a Wonderful New Year!

Terrified...

2011-11-18T02:44:00.004+08:00

Since I heard this song, it kept playing in my mind. Aside from the nice tune, the lyrics has hit me hard. The words are nice and listening to this song makes me wanna fall in love again. Its been a while since I was in a relationship and circumstances around me these days are kinda pushing me to enter into one. I do not know... I still think I am not ready, I maybe missing the feeling that I felt when I was in a relationship. Anyhow, I will let destiny stir the course.

Terrified by Katherine Mcphee and Zachary Levi

Terrified (Ft. Zachary Levi) Lyrics

You by the light
Is the greatest find
In a world full wrong you're the thing that's right
Finally made it through the lonely to the other side

You set it again my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark,
And I'm in love and I'm terrified.
For the first time in the last time
In my only life.

This could be good
It's already better than last
And love is worse than knowing
You're holding back
I could be all that you needed
If you let me try

You set it again my hearts in motion
Every word feels like a shooting start
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I'm in love and I'm terrified
For the first time in the last time
in my only

I only said it cause i mean it
I only mean cause it's true
So don't you doubt what i've been dreaming
Cause it fills me up and holds me close
Whenever i'm without you

You set it again my hearts in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I'm in love and I'm terrified
For the first time in the last time

On Living - Self

2011-09-12T21:58:00.005+08:00

Just recently, my observations about a friend was confirmed when our common friends met up and talked about stuff. There were issues and concerns that are alarming and our reputation and friendship are on the line.

Things were disclosed and we found out that our "friend" has been lying to us about each other. I used to go out with her but when I found out her real attitude, I backed out. She may be pretty or smart, but her attitude is so bad.

She is a self centered individual who creates lies to cover her own track. My friendship with some of our common friends were stained because they thought I was siding with her. Good thing we all had dinner and cleared things out. I started drifting from her for I think being too close to her might harm me in the long run.

Just today, I read her blog and obviously, I was part of it. The story was about guys she dated that are Mr. wrong for her. This made me ponder. Why do people blame others when they made mistakes? One big reason why most of these people do not improve because they think that they are so perfect. Point faults on other people is an excuse to see their own faults. In situations where we are hurt we done something wrong, let us look at the only thing that can be changed... ourselves.

We point to the government as the root of poverty, we point to our parents when we are financially struggling, we point to our ex-lovers whenever our relationship didn't work. In every situation that concerns us, there is one variable that we are in control of, that is ourself. Try to change yourself from the experience from the past and not from sour graping and projecting faults to other people

Steve Jobs' resignation

2011-08-26T01:17:00.004+08:00

When I got up last morning, anticipating a great birthday ahead, I was surprise by seeing Steve Jobs' resignation in most technology websites.

Steve Jobs has been one of my biggest influence aside from the founders of Google. From his speech alone, I became a believer. I never wished of owning tons of Apple product, but his innovativeness is noteworthy.

Since my business partner and I are big fans of Steve Jobs, we usually talk about him. I predicted that he will step down soon because of issues regarding his health. At his age of 56, he is still young and I am sure he can contribute more to Apple Inc. His resignation will affect Apple a lot because with Google's purchase of Motorola, Android technology will be supercharged. The IOS technology will have a tough battle with Android.

Apple's innovativeness is directly linked to Steve Jobs. I am hoping that he was able to train another innovator inside Apple as a successor of his innovativeness.

In anyway, my respect goes to one of the most innovative mind in this world. One of my biggest role model in the Tech/Business world. Thanks for making a dent in the Universe. Cheers to you!

Here is the article about Steve Job's resignation

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-14659127

Happy birthday!

2011-08-26T00:39:00.002+08:00

My birthday just ended and like any other of my birthdays, it was great. Though, fewer people greeted me. Mainly because I removed my birthday on my Facebook account. Funny but I find it better. :)

I just spent my day with other faculty members in our school then had a simple dinner with my brother and grand mother. Nothing grand, nothing spectacular. I was never conditioned to really celebrate birthdays.

Anyway, Happy birthday to me.

Google

2011-08-03T03:09:00.005+08:00

Technology has always been my interest from the work of Steve Jobs during his early years to the launch of Windows by Bill Gates. From the come back of Steve Jobs to Apple to the Innovation of Dot Com companies.

Of all these inspirational stories, there is one company which got my attention. It is Google. Google started with just a search engine and a vision to organize everything in the cyber space. Currently, they are offering a lot of free services for use to use. The likes of blogger, youtube, gmail, googlewave (unfortunately, this project was discontinued), google maps, google docs and many other services. What got my attention is their financial model. They earn purely from getting advertisements from their search engine.

Being inspired by Steve Job's idea of making a dent in the universe, Google seem to be doing this perfectly. I am not sure if this is part of Larry Page and Sergey Brin's idea, but the services they are offering are of great help to Internet users. How were they able to do this?

First of all, the search function of Google is way powerful than MSN/Bing or Yahoo. This give users a better result from what they are looking for. Also, there are minimal ads unlike other websites that are so irritating.

Next, when offered Gmail to users. Yahoo mail was forced to increase their capacity because initially, Yahoo mail has a small storage space compared to Gmail. To combat this, Yahoo mail made their storage unlimited just so that users will not switch. I almost did switch but currently, my Yahoo mail is still my primary email.

Another good service that they made, was the introduction of Google maps. No need to further explain this because they offered a concise map of the planet Earth which we can access real time to go to our desired location.

Google also ventured into operating systems however, they focused on mobile phones. Microsoft, being the top software company who sells operating system, didn't saw the opportunity of the smart phone market. Currently, Google's Android OS has the highest market share in terms of smart phone OS which also competed with Apple's iPhone IOS. Steve Job currently is not happy with the fast growth of the Android.

Google also competed head-on with Microsoft's Office applications by introducing Google Docs where users can create spreadsheet, presentations, and documents on line even when they do not have any Office applications installed in your computer.

Lastly, Google is now competing with Facebook. It is known that Mark initially wanted to battle Google by offering email address to Facebook users. Currently, Google is competing with Facebook with Google+. They did made a lot of attempts to compete with Facebook, but all of their attempts were failures. As of the moment, Google+ seems to be getting a good review by users of this Beta release.

These efforts of Google gives us a lot of benefits and most service they offer are free. To top that, they have the best working environment most people would die to be in.

Here are some videos of Google's work place. Isn't this the bomb?

On Living - Pregnancy

2011-08-03T03:03:00.003+08:00

Happy moments for us because 2 of my closest friends are pregnant. We go way back since our elementary days. Been with each other as we grew old and now this is another chapter in our life that needs celebrating.

Funny because I was the first in our group who wanted to get married, but now, I seem to be quite enjoying my single hood. the dynamics of our group will once again change because when they give birth, things will be a lot different.

Congratulations to my friends and I am excited to see cute babies whenever we celebrate moments together.

Internet service provider

2011-08-03T02:56:00.003+08:00

The primary use of Internet for me is to communicate with people, by social network sites, emails, or instant messengers. These are common things I do whenever I go on-line. Next would be to research stuff either an idea or simple random thoughts. And lastly, I use the Internet to download multimedia files.

For the past weeks, I encountered a number of problems with my current provider. Aside from the constant slow speed we get at home, there are certain sites that I cannot seem to visit. These are downloading sites where I get my materials. Because of this, I am now looking for a new provider who can give us a more stable connection and gives me access again to those sites that are block in my current provider.

The main problem here is that most providers here oversells and under delivers. Still being positive in our quest for the holy grail of Internet service providers.

a little bit of crush...

2011-07-30T02:43:00.003+08:00

My last relationship ended in 2009 and I never had any since then. Not that I cannot find a nice woman, but I would rather focus on personal development. I have been posting in the past about my journey and some thoughts.

Recently, I have been talking to some old friends and I started to miss the feeling of having someone special. A college crush recently gave me signs of her liking me. There were also a number of women I hang out with that would confide that they like me too. Then just recently, I met an amazing woman.

I saw her pictures but she looks way better in person. She has a strong personality that I like and to top it, she is smart but doesn't verbally claim that she is. Not to mention that she is also pretty and sexy. Unfortunately, she is married to someone.

Not really sure if I am liking certain woman because of really liking them or am I just missing the feeling of being with a special someone...

Been so busy minding other stuff that I cannot even give time to ponder on this thought. As I am writing this entry, see keeps on popping in my mind.

I am busy to be thinking of this... this will pass... hopefully...

Pondering...

2011-06-30T21:37:00.005+08:00

It has been months since I was active in blogging. Things were like roller coaster on my end for the past months.

I have been struggling with a client who hasn't paid us for the products we delivered to them August of last year. Just recently, they agreed to pay us but for 6 months. I was really exhausted in dealing with them because they were so unprofessional that speaking to the CEO doesn't seem to merit as an actual conversation and I was asked to write them letters regarding their settlement offers. This might be my last deal with one of my businesses simply because my partner, who was the main contact with that company, wasn't helping me and she keeps accepting rush orders that quality was sacrificed.

On my other business, our supposed to be marketing partner turned out to be all words but no action. He has potential but seems to be more focused on other stuff rather than our business. Personally, if he doesn't have the passion like me and my I.T. partner has, then he is out of the equation. We gave him a chance and it took him more than 2 months to simply set a meeting with one of his network. Currently, we got another marketing which graduated with an I.T. degree but markets and sells softwares. She is showing us a potential and she seems to be doing well in the effort department. However, her thinking isn't in tune with how we think. We are fast and weird thinkers which gives us certain innovations that are new in the market. Her selling ability is good but her marketing eye misses certain spots. I need to train her to think more like a marketer. Totality, she does seem to be doing good.

Next, is a friend I hang out with. She is okay and seems to be cool. Unfortunately, she flips and can blurt out hurtful words. The sad part about this is that she is a psychology graduate. It hurts more because she should be able to understand the situation. Adding to injury was when she told me that I should understand because I have a degree in psychology. The audacity... the audacity... Anyway, I just did not reply to her text messages whenever she flips. Just recently, we were supposed to meet up unfortunately, I was sick and needed rest. The next day, I attended a baptism of my close friend's daughter. She found out that I was there and got mad. First of all, she is not my girlfriend to have the right to get mad. Secondly, it was my close friend's first born child. Even if I am dying, I will be there for my close friends. She took it that I am making excuses. But for some weird reason, she would be nice to me all of a sudden then be a bitch the next minute. I am in a stressful situation now and I do not need another source of stress. I can easily look for a source of stress anytime.

In general, things aren't going my way. It seems that I am really in a flat tire to my dreams. I am facing another phase in my life where I question everything.

On the lighter side of life, it seems that our IT company is closing a deal soon. It was a real challenge when we gambled and tried new unorthodox tactics to get meetings. Since we will be closing on a deal, the catch is that we are stressed by fixing requirements and polishing details on our agreement.

Daughter

2011-06-30T21:25:00.002+08:00

Just last week I was invited for the baptism of my friend's first born child. For some reason, it was fascinating. I didn't expect that I will be considered as a godfather, since my friend has a lot of friends. Who I am to say no. When I saw his baby, I was in awe because the baby girl is so cute. It made me think of wanting to have a baby girl again. Since I watch a lot of TV series and most of these shows features a father-daughter relationship, it made me want to have my own baby girl. It would be so great to see her growing up with me hugging and caring for her, but I think reality should kick in by letting me know that I have other priorities to focus on.

I will have my daughter soon. :)

On Love: Missing the moments...

2011-05-21T03:12:00.004+08:00

It has been almost 2 years since me and my ex-girlfriend broke up. Personally, I didn't want to enter into any relationships even when I met a number of girls who are potential girl friends. I am still busy realizing my dreams.

However, just recently, I hanged out with a friend and memories starting flashing back. Not that I miss my ex girlfriend, but more of the moments we share. The cuddling, the sweetness, the laughter, and other memories most couples do.

My friend gave birth less than a year ago and she is now single. She isn't really looking for a relationship and do I. I just don't know why when we spent that moment together, I kinda missed those moments and I become so attracted to her. The way she whines about the smallest things, the way she would hug me and make faces.

We are both busy and after we hanged out, I always thought of spending more time with her and I know it is wrong. We both are in a situation where we are not looking for anything serious. I keep struggling to wake up from this charm and tell myself that I am only missing the moments...

In moderation... on losing weight...

2011-05-06T03:53:00.005+08:00

Just recently, I had a epiphany. People do things in extreme. I started my journey on losing weight and since I had lost weight during college, I had some idea on what to do. However, how to lose weight is a common topic these days specially when people are into health and wellness. Here are two extreme example on how I find people funny.

A few months back, while prepping my mind and body to go back jogging, my business partner and good friend was sharing stuff on what I should do. His main point was, eat only foods that could help you lose weight the fastest and do a lot of exercises (no problem with me I just have to make time for this). The food he suggested were, tuna, chicken breast (which are ok since both are favorites of mine), root crops, oatmeal, and other weird food. While he was sharing this, I also said that I should have a cheat day so that I can still eat food I like. He contested that there is not point on dieting if I have my cheat day. He would be eating the same food all day long.

The exercise is not a problem, but his suggestion on what to eat was quite unusual. I have read magazines about having a cheat day. The reason for a cheat day is to make sure our body would not get used to the food we are eating. Also, what is the sense of advocating that we should live life when I keep starving myself and cutting my chances to eat good food. I may do cheat days, but I only make sure I have a cheat day a week and I know my limits on my intake of fats and carbs.

Then a week ago, while me and some friends were diving home from a wedding. Our topic shifted to me going back jogging. One of my friend said that jogging or any exercise doesn't help in losing weight that much. Unlike my other friend, he lost weight simple by cutting his food intake. He isn't into sports that much and his perception of exercise as a way of losing weight. Losing weight isn't the only benefit of exercising. Actually, there are tons of other benefits like an increase in endurance. Sweating can also help by clearing the pores on our skin and after each exercise, there is a feeling of euphoria. He then dismissed it as nonsense.

Yes, he may be blessed with a good metabolism, but not everyone is as blessed as him. If i rely only on cutting down on food, I then gave up eating good food and I might make it an excuse not to exercise. I do have a poor endurance and it is something I wanted to increase. I haven't achieved my goal of running in a 5K marathon yet. So it is still a goal I need to achieve.

Bottom line, is that people would tend to focus on what they have done rather than to adjust to what others can do. Mixing exercise and diet is really the best way to lose weight since by exercising, you burn calories, carbs and fats while toning your muscles. On the other hand, diet can help in maintaining what we eat to lessen unnecessary carbs or fats. Still there should be a cheat day so that we can enjoy our favorite food and other delicious meals. It is just a matter of sticking to your plan and try to work on it. We only live once and we shouldn't be starving ourselves to death.

Mistakes...

2011-04-07T03:47:00.004+08:00

People are bombarded with problems everyday and I am sure that no one in this world is not facing any problems in their life.

Recently, a friend sent me an SMS saying that she needed my logical reasoning (maybe due to my love for numbers). She sounded really troubled so I replied asking her how I can help. She then told me about some family problems which made her feel that she is a failure. Not to dwell deeper into our conversation, but I tried my best to help her out.

My thoughts...

We are being criticized everyday either by people we treasure or others who are not even close to us. There are a number of ways to face this either we take it all and admit defeat, or turn it around and make it a challenge. Criticism if viewed positively can be a strong source of strength that can fuel us to be someone better. If viewed negatively, it will be the starting point of our defeat.

Mistakes are part of living and if you haven't made a lot of mistakes, then you haven't really lived a great life. We are taught that mistakes are bad, but it is the best teacher that one can have. We hear stories about defeat but unless we experience it, we can never really learn from it. A great example is listening to a big heartbreak from a friend where we tend to be so arrogant on telling them what should be done. But when we actually experience it, the feeling would be unexplainable. Life is not measured by the number of mistakes we made, but by how we stand up from those falls. We shouldn't judge others on how they started living, but more on how do they make a perfect ending.

We cannot change our past. Learn from our mistakes and try to make right whatever wrong we did. As long as we can breath, life is still giving us a chance to make a better ending.

Sarah Kay: If I should have a daughter ...

2011-03-20T07:58:00.002+08:00

I enjoy watching videos from TED.com. They feature a lot of inspiring videos ranging from technology to psychology to teaching and recently I cam across a Poet. Sarah Kay's talk was very much inspiring on how she uses poems and share her thoughts. Watching it made me ponder stuff about my life... Here is the transcription if found from the net...

"If I should have a daughter, instead of Mom, she's gonna call me Point B because that way she knows that no matter what happens at least she can always find her way to me. And I'm gonna paint the solar systems on the backs of her hands so ...she has to learn the entire Universe before she can say "oh, I know that like the back of my hand." And she's gonna learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face, wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach but getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.

There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band aids or poetry so the first time she realizes that wonder woman isn't coming I'll make sure she knows she doesn't have to wear the cape all by herself coz no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me I've tried and baby I'll tell her don't keep your nose up in the air like that. I know that trick, I've done it a million times, you're just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place to see if you can change him. But I know she will anyway so instead I'll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby because there is no heartbreak that chocolates cant fix. Okay, there's a few heartbreaks that chocolates can't fix but that's what the rain boots are for because rain will wash away everything if you let it.

I want her to look at the world through the underside of a glass bottomed boat, to look through a microscope at the galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind because that's the way my mom taught me, that there will be days like this, there will be days like this, my momma said.

When you open your hand to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises; when you step out of a phone booth and try to fly and the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape. When your boots will fill with rain and you'll be up to your knees in disappointment and those are the very days you have all the more reason to say thank you because there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times its sent away. You will put the wind in winsome, lose some. You will put the star in starting over and over and no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute, be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life. And yes on a scale from 1 to over trusting, I am pretty damn naive but I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar, it can crumble so easily, but don't be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it. Baby I'll tell her remember your Momma is a worrier and your Papa is a warrior and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more. Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things and always apologize when you've done something wrong but you should don't you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining. Your voice is small but don't ever stop singing and when they finally hand you heartache, when they slip war and hatred under your door, and offer you handouts on street corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother."

Calamity in Japan

2011-03-15T04:23:00.005+08:00

I cannot help but to react on what just happened to Japan. The earthquakes and tsunamis are heart breaking not because I have friends in Japan, but more of mother nature getting back on how we treat her for the past few decades.

Seeing different wall posts in facebook where they are only concern on their own race, I cannot help but to see how selfish humans are in nature. Calamity strikes and there are a lot of people who are affected so rather than just pray for your own race, why not pray for everyone affected. Adding them to your prayers will only take a few seconds of your time. Rather than focusing on the selfish nature of being human, try to be more humane by showing more sympathy.

Next point to discuss, is the issue of saying bad things about the Japanese by posting videos that Japanese are killing sharks or dolphins. They are not the only people who are doing those things. Try to look at your own backyard and see if you are that holy and clean. Saying that mother nature is attacking Japan as a payback is quite out of line. Killing sharks or dolphins are indeed bad, but have others considered that throwing trash in the river or sidewalk is also bad? How disciplined are those people to point fingers at others? It is sad to see the crab mentality of humans even when our own race is in need of our help.

The moment I saw what had happened, I automatically saw this as a sign from mother nature that we should do our part in preserving what is left. Pollution, over population, illegal loggers, and more are man made problems that can be solved but we are just to stubborn to make a move. Would it kill you to not throw a simple candy wrapper in the street and wait till you see a trash can? Would it be too much to not cut down trees or at least plant some trees in replacement? The issue of global warming has been there for years. Funny how humans react only when they are forced to or only when things are way out of bound. Some may think that their contributions maybe small compared to the problem at hand. But still, I say that one can make a difference or at least you did your part. People would always wait for others to do their part before they stand up and start doing their own responsibility.

I do hope people will wake up sooner than mother nature's wraith.

American Idol

2011-03-11T02:13:00.005+08:00

Since I started watching American Idol (AI), it seems that I am hooked. Aside from the pretty ladies in the show, I get to hear good songs from them. Music is a good source of inspiration whether because of the melody or the lyrics. I draw strength from music.

My dad used to be my source for music with his insane knowledge on songs. However, since he got sick and died, TV shows with music became close to my heart because they became my sources. Also, I can feel my dad smiling at me whenever I am able to search for a treasure.

AI is maybe one of those best source of song choices. From the auditions till the finals, contestants must surprise both the judges and the viewers, hence the great choices of music. Been following AI for a number of season already and now they are on their 10th season and for me, the contestants are not as strong as the previous seasons. Anyhow, there are still some exceptional singers there. My bet for this season are:

Paul McDonald
and

Casey Abrams

Collide...

2011-03-05T03:15:00.002+08:00

As it dawns to me
you are not who I see
someone full of promises
but nothing that I wishes

Little did you know
you are not who you show
You make fuss over small dilemmas
and its too early for those dramas

Our future, I cannot see
maybe you are not right for me
I know this will make you cry
but I'd rather end this than to lie

Valentines Day

2011-02-15T20:14:00.005+08:00

I never believe much in valentines day. For me, this is just a hype that people made to give justification to whatever nonsense they have in mind.

When I was in a relationship, I make it to a point to make every moment special. Not just for one day but everyday. Maybe I am not a person who follows norm much. I would rather bend rules and break a few.

Going out on valentines day is so cliche. Flowers, chocolates, balloons, and even fancy restaurants is not my type. When you do something that everyone else is doing at the day, the effort that you are doing will be so mundane.

When we love someone, there shouldn't be dates on when we should celebrate it. The moments you spend with that person should be special and memorable. One special day would never equate to the spontaneity or the surprises that you can do on other days.

However, valentines is not my day. It is for my (future) partner. I may not be a fan of this day, but if she is, then I cannot do anything but be a blinded by this insane tradition.

I do hope my future partner shares the same thinking with me...

Validation

2011-02-13T19:58:00.002+08:00

I find it funny how others would show the world that they are strong and they can survive life on their own. Funny how they claim that they do not need others for support. When almost every time I talk to them, they validate themselves to me.

Just recently, I started hanging out with someone and she is confident and I like it. However, the more we hang out, the more I can sense that amidst her confidence, are insecurities. It has been months since my last relationship and my perspective has changed. There are certain things that I do not believe in but I will never close my door on love.

Anyway, we are in a stage of getting to know each other and she keeps in validating herself by saying "the guy would be lucky to have me!" The confidence of that thinking is great, however, when almost every time we talk, I hear those validations I tend to know her insecurities more.

I learned to validate myself only when she validated herself first. I also learned not to validate all the time since this can lower my self esteem. I know I am a good catch and being one is way better than constantly blabbing about it.

Don't quit

2011-02-08T21:56:00.001+08:00

Don't quit when the tide is lowest,
For it's just about to turn,
Don't quit over doubts and questions,
For there's something you may learn.

Don't quit when the night is darkest,
For it's just a while 'til dawn;
Don't quit when you've run the farthest,
For the race is almost won.

Don't quit when the hill is steepest,
For your goal is almost nigh,
Don't quit, for your not a failure,
Until you fail to try.

Was fixing my files and I saw that I documented a great poem years back... I really need to be reminded not to quit.

January...

2011-01-31T05:40:00.002+08:00

Last year ended with me hoping for a good 2011. However, January is not over yet and I am already so down. Funny that I am usually positive and full of energy. But unfortunately, the new year had a different idea in mind.

Part of which is that one of our clients still hasn't paid us and they seem to have a million excuses on to tell. Majority of those receivables are my payables to a supplier.

Another road block would be where I am teaching. The school has so much potential but the college I am in, for some twisted reason, is the worst college there is. Maybe because our dean has only one thing in mind, which is to get into into a higher post that they neglected one of the biggest part of the academe which is to compensate the educators. The pay isn't the issue but when you are not paid for months, then there is an issue. Politics is really every where and sad to see that the students suffers because of their inefficiency.

Lastly, is that one of my partner in another venture seems to be all talk. We trusted him because he is a friend and we wanted to give him a shot. Now, we are not so sure whether he can put up with his sales pitch to us. The possibilities are endless and our number one enemy is time.

2011, take it easy, it seems that I am facing a storm so early... hope that good things will go my way after this...

My PC set up

2011-01-02T22:47:00.006+08:00

I enjoy downloading stuff from the net and from the time I stopped downloading from my laptop, I bought an old desktop PC. Bought this PC December of 2008 and the main purpose of this PC is to download stuff.

Since my PC was previously owned, there will be problems. Started quite fine but as time goes on, certain parts will just have problems. Ranging from Video card, sound card, to hard disk drives. It came to a point that it was so slow that prompted me to switch operating system from Windows to Ubuntu. Luckily, I enjoyed using Ubuntu.

Recently, I was fascinated to plan games again. Not that I will be addicted but as a past time. Unfortunately, most Windows based games are not compatible with Ubuntu or might have a lot of tweaking to do. Also, my PC did have problems loading games for reasons I do not know.

Just when I was about to give up on my quest on how I can play old games (yes I love old games more than new games because newer games requires newer PC specs which I do not have. Another reason is that I simply love old games) my friend mentioned that he is not using his old PC anymore. I quickly went to his place and got the PC.

It wasn't easy since he didn't used the PC for more than a year so there might have problems and yes it did have a lot of problems which I was able to solve. I changed the processor, power supply and even a hard disk (good thing I have an old processor and power supply. A friend gave me a new hard disk on Christmas so I have a spare which I used for this PC.).

My next challenge would be how can I used both when I only have space for one monitor, keyboard and mouse. Then, I discovered through a friend that there exist a product called KVM (Keyboard, Video monitor and Mouse) switch. I spent my Christmas holiday fixing my PCs.

I was in euphoria when I was done. Now, I have 2 CPUs one in Ubuntu and the other in Windows. My Ubuntu is my main PC, thus having a bigger hard disk, my important files and Internet access. While the Windows is used for games. I still need to add something to finalize my set up for my Windows PC. Here are some list that hopefully, I can finish soon for my kinda "ultimate tight budget set up".

1. Wireless LAN - to give me Internet access for both PC and making file sharing easier
2. Sound card - the on-board sound card is not working.
3. Video card - the on-board video card is only 32MB.
4. Speakers and microphone - for multimedia purposes
5. VGA cable for my Ubuntu CPU - for some reason, when I used my friends VGA cable I got a great resolution size. When I switched back to mine, it was not that good.
6. Pen tablet - maybe this for multimedia

Hopefully I can get them soon. Cheers to my 2 CPU set up!

New Year, New Beginning

2011-01-01T19:22:00.002+08:00

New years signifies new beginning. It is a point where people should reflect on life and she what we can do for the year ahead.

I started setting plans for my life and for some reason, I did bumped into challenges and is still facing a number of challenges.

This year as the year starts, I will set new goals and revise old ones. A new year... a new beginning.. a new me...

Last day of the year

2010-12-31T17:44:00.004+08:00

Today is the last day of the year. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, but for some reason, it became a big deal when I started to ponder on life. The end of 2010 is here and it is time for me to reflect on what happened on 2010. Were the choices I made good enough for me? It is not about right or wrong choices, but more of were they good choices? Choices in which I learned new things.

Relatively, it was a great year. I got out of my shell and started exploring the life. So far I am still doing my plan and it was challenging at the same time fun. There were a lot of learnings for me this year. The end of 2010 means that we have another year to make things right. 2011 signifies a new start for us.

As 2011 is approaching, I wish nothing but simply a good life not just for me, but for everyone else. Life is not easy as we wanted it to be, so good and fun life for all of us. Hope we learned from our mistakes in 2010 and continue to learn new things in 2011. Hope we continue to live life as it should be lived. Laugh as if our problems are just too small and most importantly, spread love to everyone we know.

Happy New Year to everyone and cheers to a great new year ahead of us... Let us rock 2011

Christmas time

2010-12-29T01:43:00.003+08:00

Just as Christmas passed by, I was wondering why each year is not as good as the last year's. Movies and Tv shows are showing a certain kind of season that I am looking for to. Ideas keep rushing into my head on why things are different now.

For the past few years, I am not spending it much with my family because my mom is in Hong Kong with my sister and my dad passed away last year. This Christmas season, I spent it with my older brother and grand mother. Nothing really special since my brother would prefer to play Ragnarok and on the eve of the 24th, just have something to eat and we just eat together. We never really cooked since I am the only one who enjoys cooking and when we changed our refrigerator/freezer to a smaller unit, I cannot stock meat anymore. Going back, another would be that I do not have any significant other for the 2nd year. It isn't a big deal but maybe I miss the companionship that relationships give. Lastly, I think I am also growing older where my priorities are slowly changing. Christmas season is now more of spending time with friends and resting. Along that line, I think the world is also growing older. Many people are just at home facing the net and just hang out when it is almost the eve of Christmas.

I do not know, but maybe I lost the sense of Christmas. Maybe by next year things will be a big different. Hopefully something better... but for now, Belated Merry Christmas to everyone and have a wonderful New Year.

Mingling with the same kind

2010-12-25T02:51:00.002+08:00

Recently, I came across an old forum which I was a member since 2000. Funny that I only visit that site whenever I come across relationship problems. But since I am single, I though of visiting the forum and see what I can get with it. Fortunately, I saw a post about Fil-Chi's. I haven't been mingling with Chinese for quite sometime now and having a crowd of Fil-Chi's would be better since these Fil-Chi's will be more open to both culture.

Going back, I started posting using my old nick, but was quite hesitant since it was made to be unknown to others. Since I am single, I might join their EB's someday. I then created a new account and focus on blending with them.

For some good fortune, I was able to chat with a few. We set an informal date which did pushed through. The meet up came and it was a blast. I realized that the Fil-Chi community is indeed small. We would instantly be connected to someone and stories started pouring.

The night ended as one of us needed to head home. It was a fun and exciting night. I gained new friends and I am really looking forward on meeting others soon.

It was really refreshing to mingle with the same kind... :)

Baguio Trip!

2010-12-16T01:29:00.006+08:00

Baguio is known to be the summer capital of the Philippines and the last time I was there, I was still a baby. Just recently, my friends and I decided to go to Baguio and have some fun. It was fantastic!!! It was so cold that we needed jackets when we go out. The food is cheap and weather is unbelievable.

I enjoyed eating strawberry Taho. Tried their local restaurant. Partied at their local clubs.

We went around and explored most of what we can explore. What made this trip unforgettable were the people I'm with. This is a first for us and there will surely be more to come.

Lottery Winner

2010-11-30T12:06:00.002+08:00

For the past few weeks, the lottery here in our country hit an awesome high of P 741M or $16M (assuming exchange rate is $1 = P45). A lot of Filipinos tried their luck to get the grand prize. Bettors range from unemployed to even lawyers. It is inevitable for them not to bet since this kind of money can change one's life.

For those who are not familiar with the Philippines, our standard of living is quite low and many foreigners would want to retire here in our country. We have nice tourist destinations that are accessible and relatively cheap.

Anyway, now that it is back to zero, people for sure will wait for it to balloon up again. I wonder what will the winner do with the money? Hope that it is for something good...

Different Vision

2010-11-25T18:10:00.003+08:00

Having a partner in business is not easy. I think I was really a mistake being business partner with someone who doesn't have the foresight to see the bigger picture and a close mind who see everything only their way.

I must be blinded when I entered into business with someone like that. I like to create a system to increase efficiency and to lessen possible lost on the business, but when your partner is stubborn, then it is a sign.

I value my friends but when it comes to business, we deal with it as business. If my friend will buy something from my business, I make sure to ask and supply the necessary documents to protect not just my client's interest, but my own as well. Mixing friendship and business is a great sign that the business will fall soon.

My boiling point is that when my partner consider our business as a part time project only where my partner can get money once "a project" comes in. I do not share the same vision for I want to grow this into a bigger business.

My only option now is to get what is mine and leave my partner alone with the business. Claiming to be good in sales is just one part of the equation. The business know-how is equally important.

I am changing strategy and will start to go another way. Start another company with visionary people.

On Loving - Haunted by the Past

2010-11-16T03:05:00.003+08:00

Last evening when I got home, I checked my Facebook and saw some messages from an unknown user. She shared some information regarding my past relationship. Funny is that all those information are useless since I got over my past months ago. However, looking at those data, there seems to be some accuracy with the data she gave me.

In any case, I am in a great state now and nothing can change the past. It may hurt a bit, but it was the past. Hope I got those information earlier. Also, I do not know if those information are true.

I have moved on and I cannot change the past.

On Learning - SIr Ken Robinson's Bring on the Learning Revolution

2010-10-28T03:04:00.008+08:00

As a believer of personal development and as an educator, Sir Ken Robinson's TED speak is very inspiring. Most of the time, we are being dictated on what we should be. Most of the students these days are studying courses that are either in-demand or because their parents said so. True to what Steve Jobs said in his 2005 Stanford speech. We should find our passion and do not settle. Here is Ken Robinson's speech.

Sir Ken Robinson's Bring on the Learning Revolution

On Living - Appreciation

2010-10-28T02:41:00.002+08:00

When we appreciate even the smallest things, life becomes much better. I used to have a high standard about everything that I missed out on the beauty of simplicity. It is good to set high standard when we are aiming to achieve something, however, when we live life, why set standards?

- A simple cup of coffee shared with your friends is way better than you finishing it alone.

- Getting mud to your clothes to help build houses is better than having blessed without any handicap and not using them to help others.

- Simply watching a movie without any expectations and just learn from the story rather than trying to be a director and criticize every details.

- Bringing down your Ego and understand people from where they are coming from rather than using your pride and make life more miserable.

- It is not bad to dream of being rich, but be happy with what is given to you and at least you are alive to enjoy every moment that you can.

- Appreciate people as they are and not expect them to be someone who they are not.

- Appreciate life as we live each day rather than focusing too much on events that may or may not come.

Life is beautiful so once in a while we need to slow down in our fast phased world and just appreciate what we have.

Spirituality

2010-10-28T02:09:00.004+08:00

When people ask me what my religion is, I always give them a "none" answer simply because I find religion too controlling. Rather than saying that I am religious, I would rather say "spiritual". Religion ties you to certain beliefs that is an either or belief. There are things that religion teaches that I question and I find that there are a lot of good beliefs from different religions. So why focus on just one religion when you can get the best teaching from different fields and grow yourself into a better person.

Others may believe in Jesus, others may believe in Allah, Buddha, Shiva or whoever gods they worship. Bottom line, there are still similar teaching from these religions. Each has their own beliefs and I am getting bits from each that suits my ideology and form my own personal connection with the creator. I believe that it boils down to your belief and your action against other who just claims to be religious because they were brainwashed.

On one hand, I have a friend who would claim that she is very much religious but she treats other people so poorly. She would instantly judge people and look down to them even being so blunt on hurting them verbally. On the hand, I have a friend who views these things quite similar to my idea (she was a mentor to me once). She would treat people like her equal and to some extent, she is more blessed and favored by people around her whatever religion those people believed in.

When we try to seek answers, we should get out of our comfort zone and challenge ourselves to take a step farther away from our comfort and never be afraid to learn things that can help us in the end. For those religious people, it is not bad to challenge your creator for when you challenge, you are seeking answers and when you find the answers, your beliefs will be much stronger and there will be reasons why you follow certain beliefs.

Enlightenment is spiritual.

Blogging

2010-10-21T02:55:00.003+08:00

My new friend asked me why do I blog? She used to blog but felt like the world doesn't give a damn to her posts.

I simply answered her that I blog simply because:

1. I want to improve my English. English is not my main language. Also, I prefer numbers over words and if I can communicate with numbers, maybe I will do it. Since I believed in Carl Jung's theory of equality, I started to learn skills that I am not good at and English is one of those.

2. To share my insights about the world on how I see it through my eyes. Even though I am not that old to hold a wealth of experience to share, me being a thinker have been through quite a lot in life and my views came from my interaction with people, books that I've read, and my experiences in life. They may not be much, but my journey in seeking life gave me some insights that I wanted to share. I made my blog unknown to most so that it could be unbiased and it would be a coincidence once they were able to find my blog themselves.

3. My little way of leaving my thoughts and ideas to somewhere that if something happened to me, I was able to past something on. This site being unknown, would have a more significance when someone ended up reading this randomly. I believe that when we are bothered or if we seek answers to our problems, the world acts strangely by unconsciously showing us the answers to our problems. Hope someone in need would end up reading my insights.

A big Project coming our way!

2010-10-21T02:40:00.003+08:00

Just had a nice conversation with a new friend. We met by her sending me an email saying she needs help on a project. Apparently, we were member of a certain online community and she randomly thought of sending me that email. I was hesitant at first thinking that her "project" might be another Multilevel Marketing Scam, however, upon hearing her case, it sounded legit and I agreed to meet her. It was a few weeks ago and the meeting went well. For some reason, she was planning to form a certain kind of group which had a noble cause. Her initial plan was about spirituality but she later on decided that a more general theme could help more people. I agreed to this cause spirituality is a debatable subject. Her idea was not really new cause I had encountered people who also had this kind of idea but wasn't able to follow through with their plans. Sensing her kind soul, I was drawn to her vision. I kinda shared the same vision but was just looking for other like-minded people.

Recently, she and I met up to discuss some ideas and I was quite shocked when she wanted me to be her partner in this project. I was hoping for a sit in the core group but never imagined to be kinda at par with her level. Not that I am underestimating myself, but more of not what I thought of as my involvement. I currently run two businesses and one of those business is quite a challenge since we focus on innovation on a ideas that are relatively new in the market, hence my time is focused on the management of this business. Going back, I said yes simply because of her kind soul and we share the same vision of helping as much people as I can.

Just so you know, for more than a year now, I am focusing on developing myself into someone better. My outlook is very much new and I am more positive than before. I am currently learning more on my social skills and NLP. Along my learning, I can see a significant change in my attitude and belief that I wanted to share these insights to people to help them live a better life.

Hoping for the best in our plans and I am positive that we will be successful in our projects. Maybe I really subscribe to Gandhi's teaching of being the change I want the world to be. I am changing and I want to make a change in this world. Kudos to our new project.

A Challenge

2010-10-16T16:01:00.002+08:00

Life is indeed full of surprises. Just when I am really enjoying being single, that is the time when certain people show up making things harder to decide. I am meeting new people, developing myself, focusing on my career, and even giving time to my friends then suddenly there are women who came to my life or came back to my life challenging my decision on being single.

The first one was someone who I considered to be a "what if?". We separated ways because of circumstances beyond our control. I tried wooing her back a few months back but she was in a different state of mind. Just recently, she texted me and was way sweeter than before and it was like heaven. The second was an old friend I met once years ago. She was a friend of my friend and for some reason, she commented to one of my years old blog entry. Our communication started from there and she was also as sweet as an angel. The last would be an ex office mate which I never had a chance to talk to during my stay with the company. A few months back, a common ex office mate helped us break the ice and since then, we were communicating a lot. She is a wonderful woman and we do have a lot of common interest.

These women are marvellous, however, I am in a state of evolution. Currently, I am learning things that will help me grow to be a better man. Things are not as smooth as I wanted them to be but I am on the right track according to my plans. As of the moment, sticking to my plan is what I am focusing on and I will just hope that by the time I am ready, someone who is destined to me will appear. Who knows, maybe it will be one of them.

Liking Ubuntu

2010-09-22T04:01:00.003+08:00

Hard at first but things seem to be clearer now... I am getting used to this ubuntu thing.

Here are my observations:

1. Start up and shut down are way faster.
2. Things are neater than windows (files are placed automatically).
3. Software are easily available and there is an automatic search of the software which also automatically install them.
4. It is free so no problems with licenses.
5. The Terminal torrent client is way better than window based torrent client.
6. So far the standard applications from installation are doing good.

Downside:
1. You need to love technology to really like ubuntu. Good thing I embrace technology...

Yet I'm still learning the ropes... cheers to ubuntu.

Convert

2010-09-20T04:53:00.004+08:00

My business partner has been using ubuntu for quite a while now... I seem to be enjoying it in his laptop so Just today, I reformatted my desktop and installed ubuntu.

However, I wasn't told that installation on ubuntu is so different from Windows and it is more on coding rather than simple clicking. Nonetheless, I think this is better than Windows.

What a Week!

2010-08-29T13:16:00.008+08:00

Last week was one tough week... I have had days where I have limited sleep but last week may be one of the hardest.

I was fortunate enough to be informed that there was a seminar in UP on IT Project Management for Free. It is a big help both on my IT side and Management side so I opted to join the seminar. What pushed me to really do this was the fact that I will be getting templates that will be very useful for my business. The seminar started on Wednesday till Friday and being an insomniac, I wasn't able to sleep properly... here are my total hours of sleep from Tuesday night (maybe Wednesday morning) till Thursday night.

Tuesday - 4 hours sleep
Wednesday - 4 hours sleep
Thursday - 4 hours sleep

I was like a zombie during the seminar and wasn't able to really participate that much, good thing my business partner was also there and he stepped up and managed the group. We were able to finished out tasked and after the seminar, our day didn't end there. We met with a potential marketing partner and discussed about the business till around 11pm. We then went out to have some fun with other friends and partied till around 430 am. We were supposed to go to sleep but I was committed to join an NGO for an outreach. I started volunteering last July and I made a commitment to do an outreach once a month. So after we party, we went to our friend's house, took a bath

Friday - 0 hour sleep

It was quite a challenge to help build houses in QC, when we haven't slept yet. I was kinda hoping to see familiar faces, but there were a lot of new faces and it was nice to mingle with those people. The build ended earlier than expected but it was a relief because I suddenly had to do something for my business. Now this was the most dangerous part... I went to my supplier in Valenzuela to pick up some items to be delivered to our client somewhere in Mandaluyong. While I was going there, traffic was quite heavy on some part and it was boring to death... I started to get sleepy...

There were instances where I would sleep for a few minutes but I was trying to stay awake by splashing water to my face. Yes good thing I have my water bottle with me. Also, I made a few stops on different restaurants just to fill myself with sodas and hope that sugar will help me stay awake. The travel to the client was worst. I was driving along EDSA and cars there have their own mind... When I was near the client, I quickly stopped at 7-11 to buy an energy drink that would, hopefully, help me stay awake till I get home.

I did got home around 8pm and I should be sleeping by then, but I wasn't about sleep right away. There was facebook, some emails, and other sites that I regularly check. I was able to really sleep around 12am and I had a nice and long sleep...

Saturday 10 hours sleep

Total hours of sleep: 22 hours from Tuesday night till Sunday Morning. What a Week!

A year already...

2010-08-23T12:23:00.011+08:00

It's a year already and I think things are better than before. I am doing things I like and I am growing exponentially. I am happy and more liberated. From the looks now, that was maybe one of the best decision I made for I was able to see a the darkest that was hidden inside.

Now, I am forced to face the world alone. Do not worry, for this journey will only give me strength and wisdom. I have friends who will be there whenever I fall, but sure as hell I will stand up again to face whatever life has for me. For I am liberated, I am strong, I can face anything.

Happy 1 Year to me!!!

2010-08-19T15:02:00.003+08:00

As of my knowledge, I am a year and a day old here in my site.

Quick realizations:

*it seems my anonymity really does work. For those few who have an idea that my blog does exist, they don't seem to be following it anymore. Maybe because of my weird choice of topics and my very sensitive mood which was cause by my daily stress.

*it is really therapeutic to blog. At least I can release my inner frustrations and my "WTF" day. And since I do not have any significant other to absorb my crazy stories, this made things much easier.

*it is not easy to maintain a blog site. I have a million and one ideas running in my head yet at times I cannot find the right words to write.

*it has been a year and my life is somehow the same. Nothing big had happened externally, but I think I grew wiser. I started to appreciate things as it is. Life seems more simple and a lot better.

*that there are people who do not change at all. There are people who would say things to impress you but are really in disguise. Worse is that they would blame you on their inefficiency.

*that when things are shitty, there are still people who would be there for you.

*make more friends, cause you will find someone that will become one of your truest friends.

*do not be afraid to have mud in your clothes. Helping others is way more enjoying that worrying about mud.

*and a lot more... :)

filled with void...

2010-07-24T04:35:00.003+08:00

It sucks when you already let go of something just to find out other parts of you are still holding on. I recently learned something that was supposed to be light yet I am now being suck back to oblivion. I shouldn't feel this way because I was ahead already, but it seems that my shadow was still holding to a past that created a big void in my life.

Currently, I am at a state of uncertainty. I know it shouldn't hurt, but I am hurting. The worst part is that I feel numb but I am hurting. I know it sound so ironic but this is maybe the best description I can think of. To add insult to injury, there was kindness being shown and it was such a puzzle that I can say I am in a dilemma on which I shouldn't be.

Two poems in a matter of minutes. Now that was fucking awesome yet that was also a big ouch.

goodbye 2

2010-07-23T08:23:00.002+08:00

my life was tamed with its demise
good as April I will never forget
how the shot was aimed so high
only to see what we should believe
the reality that grows our soul
that victory is with a capital V

fixated on the delusion of an enigma
to find nothing special had grown
still healing from the pain and hurt
then quickly a new troubling dilemma
almost killed by the powerful blitz
slowly turning me into a diablo

goodbye

2010-07-23T08:21:00.001+08:00

take me away from this dream I had
heard the whispers of serenity
even my last stroke wasn't at all bad
living my pain in eternity

a penny for your thought
not a single reason in mind
together we make a great team
all is lost on what you brought
zeroed in on what i will find
only owning it in my dream

good bye!

Education

2010-06-26T04:36:00.004+08:00

Being a college professor and a seeker or knowledge, I sometimes feels that the quality of education is going down the drain. It is so ironic that now, we have google and the internet within reach yet people are becoming less smart. I don't want to call them dumb yet, but the road is going there. I would maybe blame the television and other professors for this. Most teaching methods uses memorization which I believe is the lowest for of learning. We should strive to teach the next generation more on rational thinking. Many are even managers on their own industry yet they cannot seem to grasp simple metaphoric statements. To make things worse, this individual claims to be a reader. What more for those who don't read?

It is alarming on where our education is going. With the vast source of knowledge within our reach, we should maximize it and try to develop the highest form of thinking.

Alpha

2010-06-14T04:47:00.001+08:00

Was trying to be an Alpha... suddenly I was approached by someone giving out flyers.

No?

2010-06-08T23:00:00.000+08:00

I always wonder how women can be so cool when they reject guys. Recently I met a girl and she was sweet however, we were both not interested in any relationship. Things were ok until she started calling me with a pet name. I think its cool to call me that but when she keeps calling me with that name in public like Facebook and when we were around friends, things are getting a bit messy. She told me that she is sweet and I like sweet ladies, but there is a fine line on being friends and being lovers. Don't get me wrong, I may be sweet with my girl friends, but I do have a limit on how sweet I can be. I erased a number of her post because I don't think its appropriate and our common friends starting to tease us. Yes I admit that I may fall and deep inside I know she is not the one. Another thing, I am currently in a state of self re-building and would like to face the world alone. I literally missed a lot and would like to take my time being single.

There is another case. In our small organization, I was part of the head committees and I feel that part of our role is to ensure that most of our members are safe when they get home from our gathering. There was this girl who attended a recent gathering, though she was an old member of the organization already. I paid extra attention to her since she lives in Cavite. During the gathering, we would gang up with some of our members for fun and my mentality is that if you can joke about adult stuff, make sure that you are open when others joke about adult stuff too. So when she was throwing green jokes, I threw back a few which she thought was me sending her signals. Then on our way home, since we all came from Cubao, we all took the same bus together. Since she lives in Cavite, meaning it will take her longer to go home. Since I feel that her safety is part of my responsibility, I asked for her number from a common friend then I texted her. We also talked for a while because I think that I need to know more about our members and she mistook this as a sign of motive from me. I know I shouldn't feel anything, but when she told me that she likes me, and when our friends would tease me to her, I feel so awkward. I know I never had any experience in this end of the rope oh maybe when I was a kid, but I do not have any ideas at all on what to do.

As of the moment, I act the same when we text (both ladies) but just recently, I confronted the sweet lady that if it is ok, she shouldn't call me by my pet name in public. As I expected, she reacted differently and I think she took it personally because we were supposed to do a project and suddenly she bailed out. Now, I feel so bad for doing it but I know that it should be done. So it really questions me on how ladies can say no to guys and don't feel a thing.

Wonderful day

2010-06-07T02:57:00.008+08:00

It was tiring but the day ended better than I thought it would. Our group was asked to be featured in GMA7 and so 4 of us went there for the shoot. We were practically walking around with local stars and it was really a pleasant view. There were a number of local actresses that I would love to get a picture of but unfortunately, I didn't have the chance. I was suddenly asked to perform something to a local actress and my bad for not knowing who she was. It ended nicely because she was amazed by what I did and I would like to believe that she was kinda interested in me. But to my surprise, my friend wasn't able to capture my performance with her and I only got a picture with her.

The day continued and we were met by our other friends and we changed location. Then the interview went on but I am not part of the interview anymore. GMA7 gave us some money as token and I told the others that we should eat and celebrate. We all went to Mang Inasal in Cubao to celebrate our day and after eating, some went to Cainta while the rest of us went to Trinoma.

My good friend was teaching me something so I was spending time with him asking him stuffs. While we were walking around, we saw Jay of Kamikaze. Good thing I had my camera with me that time and I wanted to take a picture with him not only because he is famous, but we have a friend who looks like him and it would be a blast to make fun of our friend. Jay wasn't that accommodating at first being the star that he is, but we broke the ice by telling him our plan of making fun of our friend. He smiled and gave us the go sign.

Today was a really tiring day, but I learned a lot. Spend time with my friends and had a number of souvenirs. In totality, today is a wonderful day... :)

#41 by Dave Matthews Band

2010-05-28T01:31:00.007+08:00

One of the greatest song from one of the greatest band in the world.

Come see
I swear by now I'm playing time against my own troubles oh
I'm coming slow but speeding...well
Do you wish for a dance and while I'm in the front
My play on time is won
Oh, but the difficulty is coming here...

I will go in this way
And I'll find my own way out
I won't tell you what to be
Oh no, but I'm coming to much more
Me
All at once the ghosts come back
Reeling in you now oh
Tell me what if they came down crushing
Used to be
When you and me play for all of the loneliness
that nobody notices now
I'm begging slow, I'm coming here...
oh, I'm waiting
I wanted to stay
I wanted to play
I wanted to love you

I'm only this far
And only tomorrow leads the way

I'm coming waltzing back
and moving into your head
Please, I wouldn't pass this by
Oh no, but I wouldn't take more, than I need
What sort of man goes by?
Well, I will bring you water
Why won't you ever be glad?
It melts into wonder
I came in praying for you
Why won't you run into rain and play?
And let all the tears splash all over you

The way the rain comes,
The way the rain comes down on you,
It does.

Sigh...

2010-05-18T02:48:00.002+08:00

I can't seem to open my eyes due to frustrations, but I need to fight for a friend.

I can't seem to find strength to go on, but I need to stand up because of a commitment I made.

I feel like ending everything, but life has more to offer than eternal silence.

3 Strikes

2010-05-18T02:39:00.004+08:00

A friend once told me that bad things do strike in 3s. Normally, when we encounter difficulties or bad luck, two other disaster will follow. It is but normal for us to fall down at times, but currently I am in a state of frustration.

There are people who are just stupid and they still hang out with other stupid people thus making them more stupid.

Even though Murphy is not invited in an event, he will really make way to ruin something that was planned way before and to make this worse, only a few are helping.

Friends and business is really like oil and water... Promises should now be considered as a lie... Tomorrow is like a diamond cause it's forever...

Being single

2010-05-13T20:36:00.002+08:00

Summing up my past relationships, I was more or less in a relationship for almost 7 years. The time that I was single were only a few months. Currently I am single again and this time I am loving it. I once worried about growing old and not getting married. I was afraid and I do not know why. Maybe the idea of being alone creeps me, however, I think my perspective now is changing. I seem to be planning my future more seriously. Honestly, I tried to fix whatever was left with my past relationships but things are not going into plan. Rather than finding a new someone special, I would like to focus my attention in building my future. Career wise I mean. I always have this idea that different parts of our lives can be perfect, its just that, they will never be perfect all at the same time. Whenever we are lucky in our love life, other parts might be a problem like maybe our family or career. Coming from this perspective, I would like to put my love life in the back seat and focus more on other parts like friends and career. When things are smooth and running, maybe I can then change my focus again.

Currently I am single and loving how I am growing to be a better person.

A yearly tradition

2010-05-13T20:28:00.002+08:00

Fun fun fun... A very close girl friend celebrated her birthday and she would always celebrate it in a hotel. Food and booze, party with really good friends and meeting new friends. She is part of one of my circles and we seldom see each other but we keep each other posted on whats happening.

The night was great unfortunately, we didn't have enough players who are willing to chip out money for poker. We ended up eating, drinking (not me), singing, and bashing one of our friends.

This has been a tradition for us to meet up and have fun. It was sad to hear that this might be the last time for her to celebrate at the hotel because her mom will retire soon. Hope that this will still continue for the next X years.

Cheers!

Wonderful Sunday

2010-05-03T01:20:00.005+08:00

It has been a while since "the gang" had fun. Saturday night, we went out because one of our friend treated us for dinner. Normally, after dinner, we either go play poker or simply go home. Since our friend who has the poker chip was not there, our only choice is to just go home. However, a few of us stayed and just hang out. We then decided to meet on Sunday afternoon for a swim. It has been our tradition to cook whenever we go swimming. Since I can't swim, I just stayed in the pool and tried swimming. In the middle of our swimming session, we decided to watch Ironman 2. We quickly packed our things and went to the mall to catch the scheduled filming. It was nice to hang out with the gang again. Hope we can do this more often.

In Love with Jessica Alba

2010-04-21T23:32:00.003+08:00

Simple as that... I am so in love with Jessica Alba... :)

Basketball

2010-03-10T00:15:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow, I mean later, I will be playing basketball again. It has been years since I played and I am actually quite excited to play because our first opponent is a good friend of mine. A small competition can be healthy.

Good luck to me, hope my inner Nowitzki will come up and make some killing.

Pissed off...

2010-03-09T18:26:00.003+08:00

It sucks when someone would say they will handle certain things yet when times get tough, they would demand you to help them when you did most of the dirty works. To top this, they still have the audacity to say they did most of the work when clearly they are just good in starting things.

Wicker Park

2010-03-02T15:54:00.004+08:00

Wicker park is probably one of the best romance movie that I strongly recommend. I am not a fan of any of the actors/actresses in the film, but I really like the plot.

So how did I knew this film exist? A few years back, while in the computer, I played an album of Coldplay and The Scientist came up and I was surprised when my sister sang the song. She then told me about the film and I quickly got hold of a copy and watched it. The rest is history and here is the The Scientist by Coldplay and when you hear this song in the movie, I am sure you be in awe.

A Knight's Tale

2010-03-01T14:17:00.006+08:00

I am a big fan of Heath Ledger and this is a nice comedy-romance film. This poem in the film is so heart warming.

My Dearest Jocelyn,

It is strange to think, I haven't seen you since a month. I have seen the new moon, but not you. I have seen sunsets and sunrises, but nothing of your beautiful face. The pieces of my broken heart are so small that they can be passed through the eye of a needle. I miss you like the sun misses the flower; like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to, the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to. I next compete in the city of Paris, I will find it empty and in the winter if you are not there. Hope guides me, it is what gets me through the day and especially the night. The hope that after you're gone from my sight, it will not be the last time that I look upon you.

With all the love that I possess, I remain yours.

The knight of your heart.

Poem from 10 things I hate about you

2010-03-01T02:00:00.003+08:00

This maybe the best teen movie of all time. I first saw Heath Ledger in this film and I quickly admire how he was as an actor. The plot may be simple but there are moments were you could really feel the movie. Here is a clip of the best part of the film.

I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind
I hate you so much that it makes me sick
It even makes me rhyme

I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry

I hate the way you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

Before Sunrise

2010-03-01T00:28:00.007+08:00

This movie is one of my favorite movies of all time. The theme of this romantic movie is great and I like how this film focused more on the conversations of two strangers. Here is a clip of one of the best part of the film. The poem is attached below.

Daydream delusion, limousine eyelash
Oh baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet-cakes and milkshakes
I'm a delusion angel
I'm a fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
Don't want you to guess anymore
You have no idea where I came from
We have no idea where we're going
Lodged in life
Like branches in a river
Flowing downstream
Caught in the current
I carry you You'll carry me
That's how it could be
Don't you know me?
Don't you know me by now?

Quotation - on Living - Aim

2010-02-17T03:02:00.003+08:00

"The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it." - Michelangelo

Pirates of Silicon Valley

2010-02-08T00:10:00.002+08:00

The techie that I am, I enjoy technology films so much. My good friend recommended me to watch this film because this was based on Apple and Microsoft's history which I am interested with. Like what I mentioned in my previous blogs, I used to dislike Mac, because of my unfamiliar knowledge with their products. However, this may be the reason I changed my mind. I highly recommend this film to techies out there.

Fixin' what ain't broken

2010-02-07T18:09:00.005+08:00

For the past few days, traffic in Manila was worse than during Christmas season. I was thinking that maybe there were accidents, but to my dismay, I saw roads being repaired and the worst part was that, these roads seem to be ok.

I can only blame stupid politicians for doing so. Most of the major roads are being repaired when there are other roads are so messed up. Also for some freaking reason, Manila Waters is also joining this unholy timing on fixing pipes almost adjacent to the road construction of these politicians. There are also times where they dig roads that were just fixed a few months back.

Now that is our tax money being used... stupidly.

Negative Molecule

2010-01-31T20:20:00.003+08:00

Networking is part of business and I think this is quite essential in any business. Networks can be to increase sales or to source cheaper suppliers. Either way, the impact of networking is vital. This is the traditional business sense. Others exploit the idea by turning the word of mouth business into a business model which is known as Multi Level Marketing or MLM. I see the idea of word of mouth marketing which is one of the best method to gain clients. However, many opportunist are using this great business model to scam people.

I, for one, did joined an MLM company years back, but I was not comfortable and is still not comfortable on how it works. Inviting people and all the works. Not that I am saying that it doesn't work, but I am more of a traditional business thinker than to rely heavily on MLM companies.

Just last Friday, I was supposed to meet a friend because I need her help in marketing. She was insisting that we meet in Madison near Greenhills around 930pm and since she was a good friend, I didn't hesitated. Upon arriving, I saw many people were staying on the parking lot which is a sign of a networking company nearby. I joined my friend as she was eating and started to catch up until she opened up about her involvement with a network marketing company. I quickly relayed my experience telling her that I am not open yet and I am busy with other matters as of the moment. She understood but her husband kept selling the business to me. No offense but as long as the business model is using Binary with whatever logic they use to defend it, I would never be interested in the business model. I did joined before and their system is better because they explained how it became like that. By the way, the MLM company that I joined way back is still strong while others closed down already.

Going back, I went there hoping to catch up on our lives and I was asking her professional help for somewhat business related but was very much disappointed on the setting. It would be very hard to be the negative molecule in a group hyped with a get rich quick mentality. I ended up asking her to meet again and this time away from their office.

Little by little

2010-01-30T11:52:00.002+08:00

I am trying to discipline myself to jog 3x a week and to make things more structured, I searched the net for a jogging program which end result could help me run a 5K marathon. Like what I posted days before, my first jog wasn't the best. It was not structured and I was quickly wasted. So far, when I tried the program, my first day wasn't as it should be because I prolong my walking. By the way, my program alternates my jog and walks for a minute or so. On my second jogging day, I was about 2 minutes off the program. I wasn't sure if this is because of my timer (I was using my iPod to estimate the time, not knowing that it does have a stop watch) or I was giving more time to my walking. However, last night, I made it a point to stick to the program and I was able to finish my whole 20 minutes. I used the stop watch and really pushed myself to jog. I know that I still have a long way to go, but I'm gonna do it little by little.

Quotation - On Learning - Price Point

2010-01-29T02:05:00.004+08:00

“We don’t underestimate people....Rather than making a far inferior product for a hundred dollars less, we gave the people the product that they want and that will serve them for years, even though it’s a little pricier. People are smart; they figure these things out.” - Steve Jobs

Stay Hungry Stay Foolish

2010-01-27T23:15:00.005+08:00

Unknown to most of my friends, I am a big fan of Steve Jobs. Yes Bill Gates is the richest man on Earth and he started the software industry by introducing D.O.S. and Windows. However, I find Steve Jobs more creative and diverse.

I used to know Steve Job as the founder of Apple, however, when I heard that he was fired from his own company I started to doubt his capabilities. Also, there was a time that Apple was losing the computer war and they would really need a miracle to turn everything around. For some unknown reason, I stumbled into a forwarded mail with Steve Jobs' great speech in Stanford. This made me realized a lot about him. I started to admire his vision and passion. His message was straight and inspiring. I would say that my mentality now is somehow inspired by Steve Jobs. Recently, I found a video in youtube. I will embed the video here and paste the transcript of his speech. Hope he can inspire you as he inspired me...

Stay hungry. Stay foolish.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Quotation - on Living - Brotherhood

2010-01-27T13:07:00.002+08:00

"...for he today who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother." - William Shakespeare

Jogging

2010-01-25T23:21:00.007+08:00

During college, I was a gym addict and jogging was my primary cardio next was basketball. I love jogging because it helped me build my endurance. Unfortunately, after college, I never found a nice spot to run and never found a nice inexpensive gym.

just recently I made my mind up that I will be joining a marathon within the year. I will start with 5K first and hopefully by next year I can do 21K. Just last week I tried jogging in a stadium and I was wasted. I jogged for a total of two rounds and walked for 4 rounds and those two rounds were separated by 1 round, 1/2 round and 1/2 round. Talk about losing my touch. Though I was wasted but I feel great. When I got home, I started searching for jogging programs that could help me attain my 5K marathon goal. I started my program earlier this evening. Hope I can sustain this and if I lost enough weight, I will then hit the gym. Good Luck to me.

Excuses Excuses

2010-01-25T22:29:00.009+08:00

Just last week, I was talking to a good friend about stuff when we came across our goal on our fitness this year. My friend is very active in the gym and is doing a pretty good job. While for me, I planned to start hitting the gym again late last year but I had certain concerns. First was my search for a nice place to do cardio. I am never a treadmill kind of guy and I need to lose weigh. Second was that I got sick around end November where I was supposed to enroll on a gym near my place. I was coughing like a dog up until last week when I got an antibiotic prescription from a doctor (Yes I never went for a check up until my cough was waking me up in the middle of the night) . Now going back, while we were talking I blurt out my intention to jog in a near by stadium (just recently got access) but I was saying a lot of things. My friend said a line that made me realize a lot of thing. The line was "Maybe you are just making excuses not to do it". True enough, I think I was just making excuses. So I quickly decided to start jogging and I did manage to jog. Aside from jogging, those words were like wake up call and now I am trying to do everything and not make excuses. Now that is a bigger challenge.

Quotation - On Living - Goal

2010-01-16T01:15:00.001+08:00

"We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will" - Chuck Palahnuik

Castaway by Franco

2010-01-14T19:06:00.005+08:00

Yesterday afternoon, I received an SMS from my brother telling me about a great song titled "Castaway". This was performed by Franco and other members of this band consist of different musicians from Urban Dub, Parokya ni Edgar and others.

Last night, when I got home, I remembered his text so I checked out the music. Knowing my brother, he has a weird taste in music because of his "trying-to-be-unique" taste. I was amazed so WTF! The song fits my genre because it sounded like bands that I would listened to. Also, the vocalist looks a lot like the vocalist of System of a Down. I was amazed that I now found a new song that I could add to my "mp3 obsession" list.

Just this morning, it dawned to me that my brother never really like listening to OPM. Give him a backstage ticket to Eraserheads or Rivermaya, he will just sell them or give it away. This was the first song he mentioned that he actually liked. So the bigger WTF would be my brother slowly recognizing OPM bands and slowly liking their sounds. WTF again!!!

Personally, I can see the progression of OPM that they slowly sounded more like foreign songs. Not that I think it should be the case, but the mere fact that you people mistakes them from a foreign band makes these bands great.

Will be posting a new entry on how I perceive the progression of OPM into a better sound. To end this, here is the youtube video of Castaway by Franco. Chill, relax and succumb to the beauty of the song.

In love again

2010-01-14T00:25:00.002+08:00

I am once in love... not with anyone. I am once again in love with Psychology. For those who do not have a clue, I graduated with Psychology and Business Management. Brief history on why Psychology...

During high school when we were asked by our guidance councilor to choose a degree which we think we wanted to pursue in the future. During those times, I was becoming more open with people. I can easily connect with people and conversations were not a problem. Behind those encounters, I slowly became more curious in the human mind. I asked questions a lot and I was seeking answers on why people think differently. CSI and Crime nights were the last straw that pushed me to get Psychology as a degree. My parents must have wondered why but fortunate enough I got in a University that offers double degree programs. Thus, I also took up Business Management knowing that a Psych Degree is not enough here in the country.

I did enjoy my Psych classes more than my Management classes and I practice my management side now more than my Psych side. However, what made things more interesting was that, I found a hobby that is focused on my Psychology. I slowly succumb to it that I would consider it a part of me. I was opened to new doors of this wonderful science. There are much to learn by I need to focus on my career first. Then my learning in my hobby slowed down.

Just recently, I started watching TV series and I took an old DVD in my collection and started watching it. I became hooked, I became obsessed. The title is "Criminal Minds". How they tackle the issues, how they uplift and use Psychology is a work of art. There were a number of TV series that I do enjoy watching but I would say that this show made an impact to me. My view in the use of Psychology is wide and this TV show rekindled my passion for Psychology. To add, the format of the show usually starts and ends with a quote from a famous person which I consider as guiding wisdom.

I do hope I could have the time to learn more on this field which answers a lot of question in my mind.

To start, I will be posting quotes from different authors as a guiding light.

The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it. - Carl Jung

Quotation - On Living - Existence

2010-01-14T00:06:00.006+08:00

As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being. - Carl Jung

Phase 2

2010-01-10T22:47:00.002+08:00

My plans seem to be working. Not as perfect as I want it to be but the slight differences is still great. Currently, I am in Phase 2 of my master plan. Hoping that this will pull through and I am working my butt off for this to go smoothly. However, the there are still missing pieces of the puzzle. I do hope I can fill all the puzzles soon for this phase to be executed smoother. Think...think...

New Years Resolution

2010-01-10T19:16:00.003+08:00

I used to follow the tradition of having some New Years Resolution on the start of each year, however, this year things were quite different. My belief on New Years Resolution is about changing for us to be a better person. Fortunately unfortunately, I started questioning myself a few months back which led me to my dark times. I was able to focus on a plan and what I wanted to do for the next few years. I decided to change what is not working hoping that things will change. Unlike others who waits for New Year to change, I think we should, on a regular basis, try to access our life and see where we are and where we wanted to go.

Do not wait for New Years to change. Time is not reversible.

Am I too logical?

2010-01-01T02:36:00.003+08:00

Am I getting dumber? I was chatting with a stranger this morning and when I asked her "what do you do in your spare time?" She quickly answered "Sleeping." I was being polite and was trying to be interested, though I find people giving those answer stupid because there are a million and one things anyone can do that are production rather than sleeping, so I asked her "Why sleeping? Do you lack sleep?" Her answer was "Yes, cause I work for a call center and I was in night shift." This made me think... maybe she is a Team leader thus requiring her to work more hours but I highly doubt it by the way our conversation progressed. I politely asked her "How many hours is your shift? You seem to be working more than 8 hours." She answered saying "8 hours our normal work shift. Why are you asking my hours?" Now I wondered why would she lack sleep and on her spare time she would sleep... looking at it logically, 24 hours less her 8 hours shift would give her, 16 hours left. Of which, I could assume that 3 hours could be for travel time, 2 hours for lunch dinner and snacks. She would still have 11 hours left. If she sleeps 8 hours, then she would have 3 more hours to spare... now if on her spare time she sleeps, then meaning she would be sleeping for around 9-11 hours a day? I became curios on what other activities she does that would not be categorized as spare time... Her answers were, chatting, checking mails and cooking. Her definition of spare time is time you have before sleeping. So using her logic, if I chat for 2 hours then it is not considered leisure time? If I read a book mid day on a Saturday, then it is considered doing something on my spare time?

Yes I may attack this logically, but am I wrong with my logic? Then, what is considered as spare time?

Holidays

2010-01-01T02:24:00.003+08:00

I was hoping to have a last post before the new year but it seemed that I was busy replying to people texting me. Not that I was bothered by it, actually, I was quite flattered that these people did remember to greet me. The Christmas holiday has always been a much celebrated season here and it also does give me a chance to recalibrate myself. This is the season where I usually plan what I need to do next year, thus, the new years resolution. However, I entered my "dark era" earlier and I was able to create a plan that I will follow. Maybe because I made plans that I will stick to earlier on that I don't feel much the spirit of Christmas. Nothing new and nothing to expect. Funny thing was thatmy sister and I were trying to escape certain things that we do not want to face. We were planning when will we join our family in their vacation and when will we go back to manila. The whole scheme was fun and we were able to signal each other to help pull us out whenever we get stuck with our uncle's/aunt's crazy ideas. For some reason, spending time with my sister made me miss having her here at home. I connect more with my sister than my brother and those few days we spent together during this holidays gave me a peace of mind knowing what happened to her and what are her plans in the next few months. This holiday wasn't that crappy at all. Thanks to my sis for both the talk and the meds... oh yes we were both sick.

Change

2009-12-12T01:44:00.001+08:00

People Change...

1. When they hurt enough that they have to
2. When they learn enough that they want to

3. When they receive enough that they are able to

Bad bad day

2009-12-09T23:24:00.005+08:00

Everything was great so far till around 9PM. While I was walking from Guadalupe to Boni (I didn't ride the bus because it doesn't make sense and I needed the exercise) I was held up. Lost my phones but fortunately, my wallet was spared. I have a month old Sony Ericson P1 for my globe, and 2 Nokia phones for both my sun and may PLDT wireless landline. I was heading home and rather than taking the bus, I decided to walk at least it will be an exercise for me.

I had a hunch that something is wrong. I thought someone wanted to pick my pocket and hold up didn't crossed my mind. After the Guadalupe bridge, someone approached me from the back and when I turn around, they were asking me to give up my stuff. I tried fighting but they had a knife. I think I can take both of them down but my phones are not worth my life.

It was frustrating because...

1. I was supposed to meet a friend for dinner but she cancelled so I opt to go home much later... (not blaming anyone but the outcome might be different)
2. I wanted to save 9 pesos because it takes me less than 20 seconds to go from Guadalupe to Boni and I was thinking that I needed some exercise so I preferred walking than riding the bus.
3. I had a hunch and for those who know me, you know that I do have a strong instinct. The problem was that I didn't anticipated robbery... All the while I was thinking someone will pick my pocket.
4. There were security guards just around the corner. 5 more steps and they would have heard me. The traffic masked my shouting for help.
5. It frustrates me because I am a few bucks short of fixing my car... ok maybe a few thousands but still the fixing is in progress.

Another Poem

2009-12-07T03:58:00.003+08:00

As I try to live my life as normal as I can
I am being haunted by what is inside
I kept thinking about now and then
all I wanted was just to hide

The night doesn't seem to be calm
The sun doesn't seem to be warm
I don't know where is this from
maybe I long to be in your arms

Sadness fills me with nothing but sorrows
emptiness robs me of peace of mind
How I wish a smile I can borrow
Maybe a life of a different kind

Phase 1

2009-12-07T03:47:00.002+08:00

Several months back, I started to fix my life. So far my first phase was achieved even though it was not as I planned, but still things are manageable. Still I might be far from my ultimate plan but I'm happy to see progress along the way. Now as I am trying to take on my main plan, my little plans are being tweaked to fit my original plan...

so as of the moment, phase 1 checked... Next...

Blind - Lifehouse

2009-11-15T23:51:00.000+08:00

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

Tired

2009-11-15T23:41:00.003+08:00

Business is picking up but clients are becoming too demanding... Been feeling sick since last week, but doesn't have time to rest. Now I am really feeling sick to the Nth power... Will be retiring to bed soon... but will pop in and watch another TV series until I am sleepy...

Hope business will continue like this and still grow... Tired... Too tired but atleast I can say its worth it...

Leave This Town

2009-11-13T03:09:00.005+08:00

Music was one of the biggest influenced I got from my dad... it became part of my life... I was obsessing with Lifehouse with their wonderful songs then all of a sudden, I saw my sister's blog on Daughtry's new song. Since I have his album months back, I quickly listened to the songs and was captivated. Do not get me wrong, I am a fan since American Idol. So here is my short review and recommended songs... I am a fan of rock stars and definitely Daughtry has a great voice and the songs he released are different in style. Yes they are rock songs, but the approach are very different. In this album, Leave this town, the approach to the songs are still very different in melody, but the lyrics of the songs are still hard hitting and people can easily relate to. Good melody and wonderful lyrics are out of this world combination. Also, there are songs here that are quite slow in tempo and I believe that if a rock star sings a slow song, it would be amazing... (November rain for example) Here are the list of songs in the album Leave This Town

1. You Don't Belong
2. No Surprise
3. Every Time You Turn Around
4. Life After You
5. What I Meant to Say
6. Open Up Your Eyes
7. September
8. Ghost of Me
9. Learn My Lesson
10. Supernatural
11. Tennessee Line
12. Call Your Name

My Top picks would be, Tennessee Line, Life After You, September and No Surprise. Other nice songs are What I Meant to Say, Open Up Your Eyes, Ghost of Me, Supernatural, Learn My Lesson and Call Your Name. I can listen to this album everyday and still feels good. OK maybe not forever, but since most of us can and will be able to relate to his songs... its like he knows what we are going through. I played this album to my brother and friends, after a while they will be singing with me already... Amazing album...

Lost of words...

2009-10-21T05:10:00.002+08:00

Its been a while since I posted... I have many ideas but I can't seem to express them properly... Focus, focus, focus...

Rain

2009-09-27T16:02:00.007+08:00

I thought Friday would be a nice starting point where I can really rest from the misery my client is giving me, but the rain and strong wind is never a good sign... Maybe at some point, I knew that the rain will make me sleep better because it would be colder than usual and I need to prepare for one of my best friend's wedding on Saturday. Saturday morning came and the rain was still pouring like there will be no tomorrow. I continued resting and still figuring out what to wear or how would I manage my long hair (pony tail or not). Suddenly, the first floor of our house was flooded already and the flood outside was trying to get in from our main door.

We quickly took most of the important stuff to the 2nd floor like rice cooker food and other essential items. After a few minutes, we can't even go down because the flood was high and water was coming in from the window. I quickly called my friend because we were supposed to go to our friend's wedding together and we were both stranded because of the flood. We were planning to prepare our clothes and go to one of our friend's house to prepare for the wedding, but as the hour passed, our street was flooded already. I cannot get out anymore and we thought we would missed the wedding, but later on we were informed that the wedding was moved to Monday... poor couple I was really sad for them...

Hours had passed and good thing we still have food to eat here and I am so glad that we have electricity and Internet (though the net is fluctuating as usual). Though we only have enough food for 1 day because we were suppose to buy yesterday. Another thing was that my phones were malfunctioning it was so hard to get a signal.

When I woke up this morning, the rain stopped and the flood subsided. Still our ground floor looks like a dirty pool. The altar and my sister's piano was a big mess (I have not seen it but I am sure about it). We can go out but we need to create some bridges. We can buy food now but still the house is a mess... Hope the flood will subside soon...

Stress

2009-09-26T20:25:00.003+08:00

For the past few weeks, I was so busy focusing on an account we had. Not the best client but since we committed to delivery, we need to do everything we can. Our project was so challenging that we need 2 suppliers to finish it. The worst part is that the time line is simple crazy.

So last Sunday, I went to my supplier to pick up some items that our client requested. I wasn't in the mood to go to our client because it is far and to delivery the partial items is another story. While waiting for the train in the MRT in Boni station, I saw two guys on the other side waiting for a train. To my surprise, they did not board the train even if they can. I assumed that they are taking their time to wait for a less crowded train. When our train came, the usual savage attitude of the people of "pushing the person in front of you just to get in" was engaged. I had a good spot near the side of the door. When I looked around, the same two guys from the other side was standing outside our train and I was wondering why. The young man near the door suddenly checked his cellphone and to our surprise, those two son of a bitch was actually not boarding because they are using the situation to swipe things while people were pushing their way in. The phone was retrieved and I was kinda hoping that young man would start a fight for I will surely give those idiots some beating (I wasn't in the mood and I hate those people who will steal from honest people). During our trip going to Shaw, the young man's friend found out that he lost his wallet so when we were in Shaw station, they quickly got out and notified the authorities. I felt so lucky because a few inches would made me the victim and it would surely mess a messed up day.

Upon arriving at my supplier's place, I got the delivery and was on my way to Cubao to drop off the items. I was so tired that I just rode the first bus going to Cubao. I didn't mind if it was an ordinary one over those air conditioned bus. My only motive was to deliver it ASAP and go home and rest. During the trip, the bus stopped I think somewhere in Munoz. Street kids were trying to ride the bus, maybe to ask money from the passengers. The driver asked the kids to leave and it became a little physical. Though no harm was done. One of the street children was mad and he picked up a stone as big as a brick and threw it to our window. It almost hit me in the face and fortunate enough it hit the side of the bus. I would be unconscious if it hit me. Just made me realize that my day is not getting any better.

I hurried home and rested. I continued to analyzed what has just happened and it seems that when we are messed up, sometimes the higher being up there is really helping us not to face more problems. Maybe I was so down and it would really be a kick in my balls if my wallet would be stolen (take note, I only have 100 pesos in my wallet that time) and if I was hit by that stone (my ever demanding client needs those items already and if I was hit, somebody might just steal those items). In the end, maybe I was saved to live to fight another day. True enough, the week is getting more stressful...

Otherside

2009-09-23T15:35:00.005+08:00

"Father into your hands, I commend my spirit
Father into your hands, why have you forsaken me?
in your eyes, forsaken me
in your thoughts, forsaken me,
in your heart, forsaken me...
Oh, trust in my, self-righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die"

-Chop Suey by System of a Down

I feel like leaving this world... sometimes I hope it will all suddenly end... it seems more peaceful on the other side...

The Reason - Hoobastank

2009-09-13T23:26:00.004+08:00

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

I love this song and this is the only moment where I think I can really connect with the song... I found my reason, but my reason seems to be slipping away...

Trying

2009-09-13T17:10:00.004+08:00

I am trying so hard to be strong yet to you I surrender...
I am trying to be okay yet it is your voice that makes me okay...
I am trying to make you laugh and smile, yet I over did it...
I am trying to stand up yet I know deep inside I can feel the void that you filled...
I am trying to be there for you yet it seems you can do it on your own...
I am trying to say goodbye but I know I love you enough to still hold on...

Teamwork

2009-09-10T20:22:00.004+08:00

Sad to see others who are not familiar with the definition of teamwork. Yes individuals may succeed by themselves but having a team can expedite the process much faster. In the business world, a team of professionals can do more than a single professional doing everything. Leverage is the key... In an organization, if the sales director closes a deal even the finance director gets a portion of it as profit. It irritates me when the mentality of start up business partners are more on "my profit from my clients are mine alone".

That is why there will always be one president, one finance director, one sales and marketing director. Too many cooks will surely spoil the broth.

Boys night out

2009-09-07T21:22:00.002+08:00

It has been years since I had fun with my "barkada" and just last Saturday, we made a last minute get together. I wasn't really up for it, but 2 of my closest friends called me up. We met at our friends house and to my amazement, its all boys. No girlfriends, no wives, just us. We all had a wonderful dinner while sharing stories and laughter. We didn't spend much time as we wanted but all except 1 was not there. It is a fun and enjoyable night. I am so glad that I went out that night.

Love at first sight

2009-09-04T23:42:00.002+08:00

The idea of suddenly falling in love seems to be absurd to others. How can someone really say they love a person by their first meeting? First conversation? First... whatever. We don't. Love is a subjective matter and we cannot really dictate a right way to do this. Who are we to say what is right and what is wrong in love? Loving someone is one of the best feeling we can have in this world.

With this kind of love, it is inevitable for others to question your motives. As long as it makes you happy, do it. We live only once in this world and we should enjoy every second of it.

Lifehouse therapy

2009-09-04T12:56:00.002+08:00

For the past few weeks, I have been feeling down. Maybe because of all the things I am facing and the ups and downs of my emotions. During college I also encountered my own dark ages where I question life and my existence. Now, I am also faced with a similar dilemma but quite different.

Maybe one of those who saved me before is also here to help me get through this. Music. That is what helped me get through my past. Though I also have other supporters, but music played a big part on molding who I am now.

I should title this entry as Music Therapy however, I have always been a fan of Lifehouse and they are really helping me cope with my misery now. From the moment they released Hanging by a moment, I became a fan and up to this moment, I am still a fan. Their song style is very calming (to me). The lyrics also make sense.

Try to get hold of the and listen to their tunes. Soothing and makes me calm...

The Serenity Prayer

2009-08-31T15:52:00.001+08:00

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Paranoia

2009-08-31T14:50:00.001+08:00

According to Wikipedia
Paranoia is a thought process characterized by excessive anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion. Paranoid thinking typically includes persecutory beliefs concerning a perceived threat towards oneself.

Paranoia is like digging your own grave....

Broken

2009-08-30T22:38:00.003+08:00

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

---Lifehouse